Miscarriage: My Life One Year On

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Today is a strange day. One year ago today I was excited, it was my Dad's birthday and the day of my first scan with baby number 3. I couldn't wait to ring my Dad that evening while he was working away to tell him the news. We had managed to keep it quiet the whole 12 weeks. Of course I never got to make that exciting phone call. Instead I rang him to briefly say Happy Birthday desperately hoping he wouldn't notice the sadness in my voice and know there was something wrong. 


A year ago today I sat alone in a room staring at my baby on the sonographer's screen praying that there had been a mistake and that my baby did indeed have a heartbeat. There wasn't. It was one of the hardest days of my life so far which led to a difficult few months and I really don't know how I got through it. 

The strange thing is, today should be an extremely hard day but it isn't. Today I am thinking about that day whilst holding my beautiful daughter, who is four weeks exactly today. Of course it doesn't mean I don't feel sadness about the baby that wasn't to be. I do however completely understand the meaning of the title 'Rainbow Baby'. Elsie was a huge surprise so quickly after the devastation and she has really been like a light at the end of the tunnel. I think I would definitely be in a different place if it wasn't for her.

So today I am just going to enjoy my three babies and be thankful for everything I have got. 


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11 comments

  1. Awe, this made me cry Carly. You seem to have the right frame of mind and that's credit to how strong you are. Elsie really is a gift and your three children are beautiful xx

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  2. Oh your children are so beautiful and what a cute name Elsie has! Congratulation on your new arrival - I echo Jo in what a good attitude you have to your Rainbow baby. Much love x

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    1. Thanks. I definitely feel better than this time last year when I felt like I'd never be happy again xx

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  3. Huges hugs
    While it never goes away it does ease xx

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  4. I've been thinking of you this week Carly as I know it was approaching. I'm so pleased that the beautiful Elsie has brought you the happiness that you deserve. Hugs to you all xx

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    1. Thank you and thanks for bein a great friend xx

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  5. I can totally relate to this. I had an ectopic pregnancy and fell pregnant with my daughter three months later. It is still something I think about, and every year i think of what happened. Big hugs x

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    1. Thank you. Glad you got your rainbow baby too xx

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  6. I have a very similar post on my blog, it is just heartbreaking thinking about it, but so important to remember. Lots of Love to you and your beautiful family.

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